


British Will: The Thrilling Saga

by thecannibalofoz



Series: The Asda Cannibals [1]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Gen, just for fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:09:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5553683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecannibalofoz/pseuds/thecannibalofoz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thought you'd enjoy this, missdisoriental.</p>
    </blockquote>





	British Will: The Thrilling Saga

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissDisoriental](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissDisoriental/gifts).



> Thought you'd enjoy this, missdisoriental.

Another day, another attempt to catch 'annibal. The smarmy bastard. The fucking murderous psycho-prick. He had fucking people as scran, mate. Who does that? Mind you, with the price of Freddos these days, I can understand the appeal. The slimy little arsehole had survived us going for a burton down a cliff, he'd manage to escape from the institution, and now he was on the fucking loose like a Thundercat, leggin' it round Baltimore like a more terrifying version of Racing Stripes.

Don't even get me started on that wanker, Jack Crawford. I swear to god, a cat shits in his yard and he's on the phone to me, askin' me to try and find the culprit. He keeps goin' on about me saving lives; lad, why don't you piss off and get one then? Hannibal's peeled off peoples faces before, and I keep thinking abar doin' it to Jack, and it's dead satisfying y'know, just pure slowly peeling it like one of them sheet masks, proper made me day. Alana's a sound bird, but she's always looking at me proper shady like I'm about to go and rob a Matalan or something. 

Shit, it's fucking Hit-The-Road-Jack calling me again. Do ya reckon he likes me? Proper goes all gooey eyed when I'm doin' me empathy thing, y'know, proper freaks me out. Wonder what he wants. Lad, I'm just tryna watch Jeremy Kyle and eat me Twix here, chill ya beans for a minute lad. 

"Will, I want you to help with a case," Fucking shit this lad. Has some dickhead been impaling preps again? Some fucking bird whose life's a game of guess who been imploded again? Have I been framed by Humanitarian of the Year again? You never fucking know in here lad, its like the Wheel of fucking Fortune.

"What help do you need, Jack?" I swear to God I'll snap one day. That man needs to shank his plank a bit more, might help relieve all his fucking tension. Wanker.

"A murder which echoes that of the Chesapeake Ripper has been discovered. We'd like you to come and evaluate it." Oh, great. Thought I'd had enough of that steak-and-human-kidney prat but I guess I'm not so lucky. Y'know, I wonder why he eats people sometimes. Can't he just go down the Iceland and buy some Flipper Dippers or a Quorn burger and carry on with his life like the rest of us? Little gourmet prick.

Anyway, guess it's time to go for now. Jack-Off needs me help, and me rap career ain't taken off yet, so I better go.


End file.
